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Motive? Check.

Do you know what? Sometimes there are days when I’ve spent more time worrying about what picture I’m going to post alongside my work than about the work itself. If you say you’ve never done the same thing then I don’t believe you. Or maybe I would just prefer not to, because the idea of being more worried about what it looks like I’m doing than what i’m actually doing is not only ridiculous, but makes me incredibly mad at myself. Today is one of those days; I’ve re-written this blog several times, I’ve scrolled through social media even though I unfollowed almost everyone on it, I’ve flitted between emails, I’ve started things and stopped and generally just felt overwhelmed at the sheer amount I should be doing, whilst effectively managing to not really do anything well. And oh yes, spending a disproportionate amount of time worrying about what picture of myself I could post that would most likely get people to read the words written here ... which is after all, the actual point of writing it. I do not pretend to have mastered any of the stuff I talk about here, that’s kind of the point. So when I say I know it’s ridiculous to care about a picture when what matters is the words, TRUST ME, I know. But amongst the chaos in my head, the rewrites and the multiple failed selfie attempts, I’m here pushing through and attempting to get out in words what I first set out to say today ... When I last posted, I talked about the difficulties of validation and how easily social media can trick us into feeling like we’re not busy/talented/successful/thin/beautiful enough (delete and insert your own as applicable), and how for me personally it’s something I’ve really struggled with. I talked about how I’m trying to remove myself from it in some aspects, but also how in other ways, I’d really like to try and embrace it and use it more positively and productively. When I posted that blog I ran some sponsorship alongside it (I feel no way about admitting that) which a few people noticed. I had a couple of comments alluding to the idea that this was a little ironic, or hypocritical even, to be talking about validation and social media on a paid post. It prompted some conversations that made me realise that perhaps I hadn’t given enough of the story, and maybe this topic needs to be more of a two parter … What it comes down to for me is this, always this: WHY? What’s the motivation here? If you are posting something publicly, there’s a reason why you’re doing it and something driving that decision, even if it’s become a little subconscious. For me this is where the key lies. If you posted about some work that’s been released or accomplished - well that’s great, you did the work and you want to share it so other people can experience it. This is what social media is excellent at helping with. If you’re sharing the fact that you’re in the process of making the work though, that’s a little different. It’s cool, but why are you showing us? Is it just because you want the world to know “things are coming,” or actually is it just because you can see other people looking like they’re doing something and you want people to think the same about you? A question to ask yourself. And then there’s just the pictures of you looking particularly great today. Did you share that because you want to empower somebody else with the confidence you feel? Or are you hoping that the likes on that picture will give you the confidence you’re lacking in yourself? What people take from the things we share is ultimately up to them, but we need to take personal responsibility for our own motives, and check in with ourselves before we share things. When we don’t, that’s the slippery slope in to living life purely for the show of it, as opposed to you know, actually living it. So yes, with my last post I wanted more people to see what I’d shared because i felt like it would make a positive impact. The intention was to make others feel good, so of course I wanted that to reach beyond just my immediate friends. I felt secure in my motive, even after others questioned it, and knew that this was an example of me actually using the platforms at my disposal to my best ability. I really hope that makes sense. Since then though I’ve actually removed everything from my instagram (I find that to be the main source of my self esteem triggers, but yours may be something else) in a bid to challenge myself to be share a more authentic version of me. A lot of what was there previously were posts that weren’t motivated from a positive place. They were there to seek validation and the approval of my peers, to say “look who I’m working with” or look where I’ve flown to now … There was very little real work to show. Basically just a whole lot of gas that made nobody think any differently of me, and certainly didn’t make me feel any better about myself. In removing it all I feel even more aware of my motive for the stuff that I will choose to post. I mean after all they’re just pictures, they’re not the work itself. I’d actually almost call it free-ing to let go of it all, knowing that removing a picture of something doesn’t take away from any of the real work I’m doing. You should try it, I dare you. In fact I’ve cleared more than just images over the past few weeks, and have removed all of my independently released music from online. That’s been a pretty big and liberating step for me, but that’s a whole other story though that I might talk more about at a later date. The message today though is: do the work. Make beautiful, creative, challenging, thought provoking work in whatever field you care about, and then give it to the world. Prioritise making the work, not showing us that you’re making it. And above all ask yourself what your motivation is, in EVERYTHING. This is actually looking like a three parter - as I’ve just led myself on nicely to the next thing I really want to talk about, so you can watch this space for that. Oh, and the thing I started out with? About the picture? Yeah, my motivation was totally wrong there wasn’t it. Hence me being so frustrated with myself. So instead of a selfie, you can enjoy this accompanying aesthetically pleasing picture courtesy of Pintrest, and I’ll hope that you found my words more important than the image. One last thing - yes I’ll probably boost this post, and if you still think that doesn’t make sense just scroll up & give it one more read won’t you? If you read this far though I’d love to know your thoughts. You know what to do. Love, CD x

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