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2018: Palm Trees & Perseverance

My last post was about the New Year, and now suddenly it’s the night before Valentine’s Day (the less about that the better), we’re thinking about what to give up for lent, and New Year’s resolutions are but a distant memory. With that said though, January, for the first time in my experience, felt like The. Longest. Month. EVER. It was like running a marathon and by the time we reached the 31st I practically collapsed over the finish line.

“Oh really??” I hear you say, “Your instagram sure looked like you were having the time of your life.” Well if we haven’t understood it by 2018 maybe there’s no hope at all, but just in case, here it is for anyone who missed the memo: INSTAGRAM & REAL LIFE ARE NOT THE SAME.

So yes, I don’t know about you, but the start of my year has been challenging to say the least.

I really thought hard about writing this particular post, Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s wise to share so much of my journey when I’m still in the midst of a lot of my struggles, and wonder if instead I should hold it all back and talk about my experiences after the fact, when I actually consider myself “successful.” Surely that would be more inspirational? But then I remember all the good that comes out of me being more open and honest, and why I started doing this in the first place. So I’m going to share a little of what 2018 has looked like so far …

If you follow me online, or know me personally as most of you who read this do, you might have seen I spent the first few weeks of this year in LA. Every time I say that to someone, their face lights up and I can see they’re thinking “Wow! That’s so glamorous!” But let me be clear, there is literally nothing glamorous about it. There are no fancy hotels yet. There’s no one to pick you up at the airport and welcome you. There’s no shopping in Beverley Hills. There’s no sunbathing at Soho House. There’s no group of friends in town to party with. This is not a holiday (despite what my Mum and Dad think). This is hard.

This is trusting your gut that you’re meant to be here even though all the evidence starts to suggest it was a mistake.

This is spending all the money you had on this trip because you know to build relationships you’re actually going to need to be there.

This is pretending not to be disappointed when someone says: “Sorry I have to cancel this time... but next time you’re here for sure!” Like being here is as easy as that.

This is walking two hours across town and back again to save money.

This is wishing you were at home in you own bed.

This is wishing you had someone to have dinner with.

This is FaceTiming your friend in tears at 1AM.

This is knowing that even though you were so glad to get home, you’d put yourself through it all over again in an instant. Because this is a million miles out of your comfort zone. And this is where the good songs, the good stories, and most importantly the really good growing all comes from.